Brown Skin Lady

It's been a long time...

2005-03-09T14:38:00.000-05:00

Well, I have severely neglected my blog. Actually, I've neglect any blogging in a while. Basically, this is my first blog for 2005. Happy New Year! I don't know if it's worth saying since it's already March. Anyhow, I guess I can say that I'm having a good year, so far (I'm keeping my fingers crossed). I've made some major moves in the last 3 months:

got a new job
got rid of all toxic friends
got my own place

I feel on top of the world because all 3 things are the best thing that could happen to me. I feel so blessed lately. I try to thank God everyday because he's finally taking my calls because I thought I was receiving severe busy signals the last few years. I have like a whole new excitement about life now. Finally, I can say a word that I thought was taboo to say without really meaning and that's 'happy'... Dammit! I'm happy! My goal is to say it and mean it as long as I can.

30 Day Hiatus

2004-12-17T14:07:00.000-05:00

Well, It's been a long time since my last blog and it wasn't a very positive one. People must think I've finally had my Falling Down moment (Michael Douglas movie) at work. Unfortunately, I didn't, but I was really close. Anyhow, great things happen last month. I QUIT MY JOB!! Yes, I left the place that made me angry and my career stagnant. Basically, I was offered an opportunity to change my career path and do something more enjoyable. I'm still in shock that I recieved this great opportunity. My problem is that I don't believe in myself as much as I should and my new challenge is proving to myself that I'm capable of doing the work at my new company. However, I do need to give credit to the power of prayer. As I stated in the past, I'm not religious, but I am spiritual. I do believe you need to have internal talks with a higher being to sort the issues that can't always be resolved on your own. That's what I did about my career situation and other things in personal life and I recieved back resolution . It's an amazing thing because I was impatient, which made me very unhappy throughout 2004. When I finally calmed down and checked myself about the negative energy that's when positivity entered and good things happened in my life. I guess that saying is correct about good things happen to those who wait.

My Place of Employment...

2004-11-10T23:43:00.000-05:00

I HATE it. I'm so freakin bored by it. I've been doing the same job for 5 years now and working for the same company for 4 years. It's time to go!! I feel so stagnant. I feel like crying at my open-space desk, but I dare not show my tears because the guy across from me can look directly me. I pretend to be working hard by listening to my ipod and typing so many emails in 5 minutes that I wonder if I should went to school to be a sternographer. Actually, I'm sitting there daydreaming about people in my life and things I rather be doing. It's getting so bad that I just surf the net and check out the latest auctions on eBay. I think it's time to look for a new job. Screw that...a new career! I'm no longer feeling my industry. I love the perks, but I hate the drama. Well, I spent the last hour sending my resume to several folks. Hopefully, someone will call or email for interview. I feel like I'm dying, a slow and battered death. Plus, I'm PMSing, so I'm in a really great mood!

Please! Please! Please! Somebody employ me!

I Met Someone

2004-11-08T23:30:00.000-05:00

On Friday, I met a guy at a club. I hate meeting guys at clubs, but I think I met a normal one. Well, he's definitely interesting. Anyhow, why am I so giddy? Why am I getting worked up about him? We haven't had a first date, so I don't know if he eats with utensils properly. I'm big on proper dining ettiquette, so if dude is sloppy, we will not have date number two.

Anyway, this guy has already impressed me. My issue is getting my hopes up too quickly. I just want to have our first date, so I can put out verdict if he's crazy or not. I'll guess I have to wait until Friday.

My New Favorite Tee

2004-11-06T23:29:00.000-05:00

Jealous Tee
Originally uploaded by Tradan.

I saw this t-shirt today on the tv show E! News Weekend. I said I must get that t-shirt! It's the story of my life...well, right now. I cannot understand jealousy. It's an ugly emotion or state of mind. I will be a liar if I said I never been jealous of someone, but I don't act on it. I've been too ashamed to act on it. In the past, I would acknowlege it and make the right decisions to improve my situation; therefore, I would not display any resentment. Anyhow, I find it more upsetting to discover people in my life (well, they are no longer in my life) are jealous of me. I don't even like labeling a person as jealous because I feel no one should be jealous of me. I feel my imperfections are so apparent that anyone's jealous nature torwards me is ridiculous and very sad.

Well, I cannot change anyone's negative thoughts about me; instead, I'll buy this shirt and wear it proud. Basically, I'm letting my jealous camp know that I will not let you Steal My Sunshine.

Negative Space

2004-11-05T01:08:00.000-05:00

I'm not doing well lately. I've been on a emotional rollercoaster for the last week or so. My professional life and personal life has crash something awful. I'm trying to maintain, but I'm on the verge of going off pretty soon on some unexpecting victim. I have a problem with letting issues with others build until it is too late to repair. In the past, my problem is letting issues linger and not facing issues once they arrive. However, the situation at hand is getting to the point where I'm about to curse somebody out and I know this is how they want me to react. I'm trying to take the high road and turn my back on thier negative energy because I rather have karma deal with the Evil-doers.

My mind and my spirit is wrapped with negative energy. I asked God last night to help me. I felt really guilty with my request because I don't go to him often and I don't like talking to him about me. Usually, I ask to help others in my life, but this time I really need his help. I don't consider myself a religious person, but I need some type of spirital guidance because my energy is low and negative.

I thought writing about my current mindset will help alleviate the negativity. At least, I'm admitting it, which is a huge step for me. I guess I just have to give my self to time to deal with life's current hiccups.

Wishful Thinking

2004-10-26T23:29:00.000-04:00

I had an interview today. I believe the interview went well. I really want this new position. Finally, it's a position in my area of interest. Of course, I'm doubting myself and feeling I won't get the position. Everyone is telling me to think positive and I'm trying my damnedest to think positive. However, I just feel that I won't get it because it's too good to be true. I want to pray about it, but I feel guilty about praying for anything that suits only my best interests...is that wrong?? Oh well, I'm just going do my best with thinking positive.

Stop the Voice Over!!!

2004-10-22T01:51:00.000-04:00

apprentice logo
Originally uploaded by Tradan.

I really need NBC and Mark Burnett, the creator of The Apprentice, to stop having Donald Trump re-do his firing scenes. I know the show is fake I've watched the VH-1 Reality TV Shows Uncovered or something about the boardroom and the elevators being fake. That it's just a set and it's on the same floor as the loft the Apprentice wannabes are living. However, for my reality entertainment I need things not to be too obvious. If Donald can't make some entertaining comment when he's cutting these people down when he's about to fire them on the fly, feed him a script or give him a hidden headphone and have some script writer yell something in his ear because the voice over is horrible.

Okay, okay...I'm finishing venting and I'm off to bed. However, if this voice over crap continues, I'm taking the show off Tivo and that's a low blow coming from me.

WOMANS INTUITION

2004-10-21T01:11:00.000-04:00

Normally, I don't read forward emails from friends and coworkers because I think the emails are so annoying. However, I did read this one from a coworker and I really liked it, so I thought I share it too.

Rules for a Woman to live by:
1. If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
2. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
3. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
4. Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.
5. Slower is better.
6. Never live your life for a man.
7. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve, then heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
8. Don't settle.
9. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
10. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
11. The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
12. Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
13. Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
14. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
15. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
16. You cannot change a man's behaviors. Change comes from within.
17. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or a better job.
18. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
19. Never let a man define who you are.
20. Never borrow someone else's man.
21. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
22. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
23. All men are NOT dogs.
24. You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two way street.
25. You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage...deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
26. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals... look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.
27. Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
28. Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always knows where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.
29. Never co-sign for a man.
30. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Why can't we be friends?

2004-10-20T20:49:00.000-04:00

I just got off the phone with my little sister and I can tell in her voice something was wrong. She's 14 and she's just started high school at a very elite private Catholic school. Seven girls from her old middle school attend the school with her and she tells me that she's no longer friends with six out of seven. Basically, she says that the girls started talking behind her back, but act like her friend in her face until another girl from different set of friends tells her the truth. The girls who she's known since the age of six have turned on her.

My little sister is very strong-minded, so she acts as if she doesn't care and she will move on from this situation. We are very much alike where we talk big, but we are really hurting inside. Of course, I'm thinking in my head that I need to say something positive; instead, I tell her this will not be the first nor the last time girls/women will cross you. Basically, I tell her that girls are catty and this is what they do when they are jealous. I try to be honest with my little sister at all times and I just couldn't bite my tongue and try to sugar coat the meanness that girls can be to each other; especially, when it's girls who you've known for a long time. For instance, my little sister knows that I had an incident this summer with my ex college roommate and we are no longer friends due to her own vindictiveness and jealousy. I told her this wasn't first time I lost close personal friend, but its definitely will be the last. I'll admit I'm not most friendliest person in the world, but I'm genuine and I treat friendships higher than some immediate family relationships. At times, I invest too much energy in being a great friend.

I just hope that I didn't scare my little sister from new female relationships. I don't want her growing up believing all woman are shady. I want her take her time getting to know people in any kind of relationship because the best friendships are the ones that grow with time.

Sunday Nights

2004-10-17T23:58:00.000-04:00

It's the worst night in my life. I have the hardiest time going to sleep on the Sunday. I dread Sunday nights like I dread getting my monthly cramps and bloating. I feel sleepy right now, but I doubt I'll fall asleep in the next 20 minutes.

Saturday Ritual

2004-10-16T15:06:00.000-04:00

My Saturday Ritual is waking up around 9 am. Slipping into some gym clothes, having a cup of tea, and watching E! News Weekend before leaving my house around 10 to head to the gym. I go to gym to take a Pilates class at 11:45, but I arrive early to ride a recumbent bike for 20 minutes. Afterwards, I go to the various machines to work on legs or arms for 15-20 minutes, then I go walk the track or do some stretching for another 10-15 minutes before class starts. Basically, it's the same thing every Saturday.

I really don't like going to the gym, but I go because I don't want to get fat. When I first started going, I said I was going for health reasons, but the truth is I do it for pure vanity. I'm too scared of being a size 16 one day. I'm not fat, but I'm not skinny either. I got my problem areas - stomach and thighs, but I don't do a whole lot to change them either. Basically, I'm happy with my size. I'm just scared of getting bigger. I just wish I could be more enthusiastic about it. Start changing up my routine and do other exercises before my pilates class. Actually, I wish I didn't have to go and I could still eat what I want and never get fat, but I know that's just wishful thinking.

The Apprentice 10/14 Show

2004-10-15T23:42:00.000-04:00

I really love this show, but I starting to realize I need to stop watching Reality TV Shows. It's getting so fake...well, I know it's fake, but it's getting really, really, bad now.

I Tivo'ed the show because I'm taking a class on Thursday nights and I must watch the show before I go to bed because I don't want to take the chance of someone spoiling the show for me. Anyhow, I stayed awake last night to watch the show, which I thought was pretty good last night until the last boardroom scene when Trump's tells the Apprentice-wannabes who's going home. Well, I think the producers of this show must think the views are dumb because it's so obvious when Trump is telling the guy who gets fired that it's a total VOICE OVER. The scene doesn't show Trump and his cronies; instead, it's a close shot of the soon-to-be canned guy. Afterwards, the camera cuts away to Trump before he says his infamous phrase. Well, if you weren't listening very hard, you can tell the audio of Trump's voice are totally different. Whatever Man! I don't know why I'm so annoyed, but it really ticked me off last night. I could have went to bed early.